Dear Becky,

i found out i was pregnant 28 april 2009. i was only 17 and in my first year of university. i was so lost, sad and confused. all i could think about was how i was going to get myself out of the situation. i cried myself to sleep thinking i had let myself and my parents down. life was just miserable. the first person i told was my boyfriend. he said he'd support me in whatever i decided. just the thought of being a mom at 17 made me fill so sad.

It wasn't meant to happen. I was in a  foreign country. I was lonely. My friend who I was staying with had sent me off with his friend so he could invite some body around for sex. He'd been cutting me off for a lot of the time that I stayed with him. I went out with this friend, we had a few drinks, got back home, and due to space, were to share a bed together. We shared a bottle of vodka between us whilst talking about how crap we both felt, how lonely we both were in different ways, and got very emotional. I don't remember how it happened, but we ended up having unprotected sex. 

i met my boyfriend 9 and a half months ago and ever since that day ive never been happier. he has saved me from depression and sorrow. My mum left my dad about 1 year ago, took most of everything my dad had in his house and took my sister away from me. I chose to live with my dad, and help him through this. It was one of the sadest moments of my life having to watch my dad cry most nights, its the hardest thing to watch a man cry. We kept eachother going but we were both struggling. until i met matt and he seemed to go out and socialise lots more. life was heading to normality. besotted by matt, i struggled to leave him every night, i hated to sleep with out him. it didnt feel normal. so i moved in with matt. months went passed and ive never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life.

Growing up my mother was my rock. i had an alcoholic dad, but my mom, i hadn't ever seen drunk in my life. She was the strongest christian i had ever met and she put her family before all else. My dad was a very bad alcoholic and through all the scary things he did and put us through, she somehow managed to stay by him and try to help him through it.
When i was fourteen, my mom passed away. she died in a lawn mowing accident in our back yard. we live on a river, and as she was mowing the edge, the blade got stuck on cattails, tipped the mower and she was trapped.

I looked around me, woman around me , with no feeling in their eyes – while mine prickles with close tears.  They sit there laughing and joking like nothing is wrong and that the smell of murder is not hanging in the air.  I sit there staring at a white wall, their voices fade away.  Me and my thoughts , what a cruel thing at that moment!  I stare and stare trying to find reason in what the hell I am doing!  Why am doing this, why the hell am I sitting here if I was the one joining and voting against abortion?  Yet here I am the one that judged ... sitting here doing the exact same thing.