Blog Highlights

It wasn't meant to happen. I was in a  foreign country. I was lonely. My friend who I was staying with had sent me off with his friend so he could invite some body around for sex. He'd been cutting me off for a lot of the time that I stayed with him. I went out with this friend, we had a few drinks, got back home, and due to space, were to share a bed together. We shared a bottle of vodka between us whilst talking about how crap we both felt, how lonely we both were in different ways, and got very emotional. I don't remember how it happened, but we ended up having unprotected sex. 

i met my boyfriend 9 and a half months ago and ever since that day ive never been happier. he has saved me from depression and sorrow. My mum left my dad about 1 year ago, took most of everything my dad had in his house and took my sister away from me. I chose to live with my dad, and help him through this. It was one of the sadest moments of my life having to watch my dad cry most nights, its the hardest thing to watch a man cry. We kept eachother going but we were both struggling. until i met matt and he seemed to go out and socialise lots more. life was heading to normality. besotted by matt, i struggled to leave him every night, i hated to sleep with out him. it didnt feel normal. so i moved in with matt. months went passed and ive never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life.

I got pregnant when I was 17 by a guy I hardly knew.  Two weeks after I found out about my baby, he left and I havent seen him since. I eventually started dating a wonderful guys when I was 4 months pregnant.  We were together for a year, then things unfortunately didn't work out. My preganancy was full of tears, doubt joy and fear. My parents wanted me to get an abortion "to help my future becasue I was setting myself up for failure by having a baby"

It's been a month and 10 days since I aborted my baby, and my family would say how strong they thought I was and how well I was coping - I was fine! I'd think about it and sometimes get a little teary but I thought I would be okay. but I realize now I've made the biggest mistake of my life.

Me and my boyfriend found out in October that I was pregnant, and we were scared but so excited. We were making plans about how things would be, how we were gonna be  parents. Ofcourse we had our slight doubts, but then he changed. He talked of how we needed to live our lives, have fun while we're young, have money and do what we want!

Ok. So I guess this is my first time ever publicly admitting to anyone other than just a handful of close, personal friends that in February of 2008, at the age of 29 years old, without hesitation I chose to have an abortion.

I say without hesitation, but I have to explain that that had been my immediate decision from the moment I discovered that I was indeed pregnant- pregnant by a man whom I had only met a month prior. This man had come into my life in the most unexpected and surreal fashion, and as crazy as I felt, and to this day still do feel for this guy, I knew in my heart that the "timing" of this pregnancy would never work out for anyone's best interests…except maybe my own- a lesson learned the hard way that I shall now live with for the rest of my life. I had the abortion performed at only 4 weeks, a major reassurance to my conscience that it would be least devastating knowing that I would merely be removing what had been described to me as just a "blood clot" at this stage of pregnancy.

I look back on that day and really think of how much of a fool I was.  To think that I would just forget about it and move on with my life was just a dream. It is still and will always be there.  I aborted my unborn child, and no one close to me knows.

I went to the clinic by myself.   I drove the 45 minutes there and back.  I walked past the protesters that walked up to my car to tell me I was a murderer.  I walked the walk of shame opening the doors to my reality.  The whole time not shedding a tear.  Just staring at the other girls feeling worse for them then myself.  I talked to a girl that was 15 weeks along.  She was already showing.  I was "lucky" because I was only 6 weeks.